I miss Butterflies!

Well,i kinda feel like guilty to this blog.wae?bcs i only look and update it when im feeling lonely,upset or bored._.
wonder whats happening these days that i choose to travel here?it's this unbearable boredom.it kinda killing me.really.i even get bored with my boredom.
another blank day,but actually not that serious.its just im sitting in front of a blank monitor and doing nothing except wandering around.so i choose to browse something and what comes out is actually an advice to write when you are bored.well,i must admit,that article did help since my hands are now busy typing all nonsense come out from my mind.
okay,lets stop the bullshits and blubber bout life.
well,life is real good these days.its a couple of week happiness for me actually.emm,its about the title,if you know what i mean.meeting someone who could brighten ur days and it just felt so good.though i still complains much as i dont feel the butterflies these 2 days.my mind is envy and what it did is just complicate the butterflies,hahaha,i dont even sure youll understand what i said.
but yknow life,things will get static in a period of time.
actually im struggling of my own thoughts.i really wanna be friends with it,but what to do,most of the time i am ensuring it,affirmating everything positive.trying to keep it busy by telling good things,good reason for bad days.it works,not so well but okay enough.but there are times when it doesnt wanna compromised and the result is,skipped class,skipped dinner lunch and etc.im wandering if is it my personality or just bcs the weather is just too gloomy for everybody?
talking bout static,im so bored with my routines.waking up getting prepared working and college life.all of it just eat my souls slowly but sure.i think i cant stop the blubber or else i can make 1000 words of essays only to complains about the routines that i must face.sometimes when i dont have anywhere to hang in the weekends,i felt like an old granny only staying at home while others are spending their youth out there.its like i supposed to be out there instead of pampering myself in my one and only room chatting(sometimes) the whole day or sleeping.i even disturbed by the fact that i sleep a lot.fiuh.
next chapter
(i read all above and another thing just popped out:/)
previously i never think about getting another further step of a relationship,but..something struck my mind and a secret has to be released,i kinda think.of.it. i mean,like,being with somebody for a quite long time in a serious one.but i bet,if somebody knows this they will absolutely laugh at it.someone recently told me that im not that kinda girl bcs i fall way too fast.well,lets just see.

After all,its been half hour since the first word.ive typed enough.im happy for having an half hour get away :D

sad beautiful tragic love affair

today..today were a fairytale,story by story were made in the middle of life.today is where you stand and fight.

right,today we,advance'12 gonna present a tragedic story of one man and two innocent sisters who were trapped into a confusing,thrilling and full of passion feeling called,love.

Main Actor :

CA aka Aliang~when you walked pass by this man,you should be careful,because if you're not,you'll be trapped in his web and never ever getting to your real self anymore.

JT aka adek~slightly saw her,you won't expect much,she is not the type of ppl who will care of her environment.shortly speaking,she's ignorant,outside.but once you've known her,you'll realize how crazy this girl is and she's verrryyyyyyyyyyyyy sensitive towards,,feeling.

CC aka kakak~she..she...she is an active girl.i mean not that busy active,but busy mumbling,yelling at anything she saw.two words,it's 'no peace'.but she do hv a good point.everyone loves her.anywhere she goes,there'll be crowd.she's the cheerful one of all.

it all started when 3 of them meet accidentally in a party in their small village.Of course,man always make the first move,especially our man,CA.he introduce himself to the girls,like usual,with a lil bit alay style.CC who used t get along with everyone of course is pleased with that.and charles offer her a dance,they're dancing like they're childhood friends for long time.company by a mellow classical music.meanwhile,JT that time,doesn't take any mind of the view.for her,it is not important to have a date.she's happy enough with her new pinky hairband that she bought from US.

And so the time pass slowly...

human

ohayo^^
here i am,sitting in a comfie sofa,enjoying the sunshines on sunday morning,everything sounds so nice but actually,it isn't.i'm thinking of sooooo many stuffs lately,i think 'thinker' has been on my blood haha
as you know,i'm jobless for approximately 16 days until today,it give me such a headache to stay at home and doing nothing with no money.i hv no idea how to manage all my expenses this way :( i wonder why i'm so concerned about this when others are having fun.somehow i thought i've lost my youth,omo..i woke up with headache and slightly have insomnia these several days.when somebody hv too much in their head,it's normal if they can't sleep.well,the problem is,i've to think of the bazaar which is gonna held one week more.i'm busy thinking about the menu,the vouchers,design and many others.well,i'm not saying that i don't wanna do it,i'm happy since i don't hv choice of doing other thing.but,too much in a row?please...it cause anxiety inside me.i think i hv to let go.but if i let go,no one cares of these stuffs,haihh
i just hope this pass faster so that i don't be so anxious and nervous like this...

ah,and about the title,human are just predictable sometimes,i'm referring this to one group,when i make decisions which they don't like,i was scolded,they said it as if i made terrible things.but when it comes to the things they don't wanna care,none of them even care of the decisions i made,haahh...tired.

ps : i'm called to 2 banks which i applied,but none of them give good response till now,erhhhhh

buzy bee

i think the title has describe quite enough,i'm sooo busy these days,and eventhough now i've unoccupied,still there're many things for me to do
well,let's list it up!

• got office management project,2 project in a row which are canteen service and stand selling.don't have any idea?canteen service project is where we should give our best service including being the waiter,cashier and even dish washer!hahh....we're working too hard for free,like really.another one is stand selling,well you can see from the name,we must open a stand near the campus and making ourselves busy offering our products to people in order to reach target and it's really really really tiring.my stand sells longan ice and we must prepare each of the materials.and cause i become the secretary and idk,maybe the kepo from me,i come to like manage so many things like setting the table,register our stand for a free bazaar.selling bazaar voucher and whenever it got prblem,i'm the who'll fix it for good.i'm not saying as i'm proud of it...it's just i can't stand when something is not well-set.i think i might prefer apply to be a secretary T-T anyway,our sales is quite good,i hope it will keep increasing day by day
• meanwhile,last wednesday was toastmaster contest,club level,and because of my kepo again,i unconciously registered for two contest,int'l speech and table topic contest,so in the d-day,i must present twice,actually i've asked for resignment of table topic but they say can't.and in the end,idk how idk why,i won both of the contest.wait,don't think i'm showing off,i'm here to complain,because if you win the club level,you must continue to the area level and so on.Oh god,how can i...what should i say....
• i was called to an interview in a bank,it's a good thing remembering now i'm officially jobless,it goes pretty well,tomorrow i'll have the test.and i totally have no idea of the test,sooo just wish me luck,i need job,i'm left penniless-_-

good things keep coming and i'm grateful of it.i need to get my soldier ready,this refers to my health though.i've headache for 3 or 4 days alr,and hard to digest,i hope nothing big happens to me,cause i don't wanna see the doctor,it's a waste of money.hemmm..

wonder why i still have time to type this meanwhile my title is busy?it's because eventhough today is sunday i can't enjoy it by sleep longer,i think i've the disease of whenever something is still disturbing my mind,i can never enjoy myself.the theory of make peace is much easier than the practice.well,that something which disturb me is,there's someone who told me the exact things that i close my  eyes and my ears all this time.i strikes me straight to my mind.i know what she said is true,and it cause another war in this heart and mind,which should i choose?ottoke...

thanks for people i can be crazy with

shout out to hokkian chinese new year!
well,i may admit it's not a bad holiday though,especially the part of receiving angpao :b
so today i'm gonna open up about some people whom i can be crazy with,i never talked in detail about person in this blog(i realized it).it's just,i don't know,i think i am that someone who is insecure enough,i feel that today i might love you,i might make you my priority,but yeah,sometimes things happen,we never know...
but i'm trying to live survive today,so i'd like to thanks to people whom i can be crazy with,we do silly things together,talks about evrything without anxious,play like bitches,and over all,they give me that feeling of comfortable.you can't just simply say hi to someone and the day after you can be crazy or who your real self are directly.we all know,this society sucks,no matter you do the right things or the wrong ones,they will ALWAYS judge you.so once you find that people who accept who you are,it feels real good :)

the windflower

that times,when we are young
many says when you're young,you're free
now i question what kind of freedom does youth offer?
choosing your path?travel your imagination?not both
youth does give freedom to choose
but with all the tails of consequences we also have to bare
they said,because we are young
they said,you can find
they said,you can choose
thus it doesn't erase the fact that's called 'responsible'
they said,because we are young
yes,my dear,we are too young
like windflower we can only follow where wind wants us to...

dear someone out there...

maybe for others we are weird,unacceptable,doen't click together,or whatever,but what should i do?i have found the butterflies~shy,even it's only a lil bit,but well,those months you spend for me,yes,it does make me change my heart.well,i'm not a person who oversaying things,but now i admit,here,i have change my heart.at the first time,i also one of the person who think we doesn't match together,and wickedly worry about what others will say about us,but your kindness,care and patience has changed my mind :D and i've learned that listening to person will only make more problems for you,and it also proved that those person whom i listen to,i believe and i respect,turns out only sees my outcase and they only can complain everything about me,i can't be myself in front of them(read prev post)however,at least you have knew my weaknesses yet still accept me,although i can't do the same for ya :( but,maybe as time goes,we can change again?if so,i hope it's better,however,thanks,there...

tgif

happy weekend
how unbelievable that i actually had worked for 5 days^^well,guess one and ha half motnh is enough for unemployed status.i have currently work in a tour and travel agent in ticketing dept,if i may say the job is easy,too easy,till i got so many rest time in between my worrk.i was wondering if it's bcs just the beginning.well,i hope so,bcs i'll be too bored if i'm just sit there for 12 hours a day.maybe i can find another side job?hmm..to be honest,i need extra income right now :( then,after 4 days waiting,finally today my boss allow me to handle the customers,i sold 11 tickets today,i think it's too good for a beginning,but okay,i wish for more....
just that for today
night

screwed.bored.dead

canceled plans?i hate it.ugh!how does it feel when you have everything in your plan lists but all of sudden it all just burned.you're stuck and got not any single thing to do for a day?it sucks.it's just exactly i am doing right now.it is why i'm posting this all.

well,i don't wanna be a total complainer in the first place.but you know me,i just can't stay quite for the things canceled when it's all already in my mind.for the record,there's quite a disturbing stuff to deal is the upcoming plans,sigh..it's about the old n new bbq with advancers.i thought it's gotta be fun,we're gonna recall study tour memories like..everybody's having quality times together.but again,it screwed.i was trying to be helpful to think of everything,like what will be the menus and so on.of course i don't wanna be a dumb for preparing all stuffs when everybody's not giving a respond,i asked them about things i had in my mind,they said okay.but the moment after,it seems like...well...they're complaining everything i plan for them.i mean,heyy...i gotta work in these 2 days,hell i'm gonna make time to prepare all the stuffs for the sake of them?i'm just trying to be nice,but it seems the opposite to them.not like its only this,it feels like anything i do was wrong...

i don't even know if i'm doing a good thing..well,i                                                                                          just wish the plans were not totally blew off,who                                                                                            knows?

ps sorry for the lack quality camera,guess i'll have to bare with it for a lil while just for my bigger target.wish me luck,xoxo

today's just too much!

today's just too much!so many things happen just in one day and in the end of the day,it's really breaking me down,i thought i need mood booster,but just remember that not all things are only the matter of mood.it's more complicated than that,i swear.in another day i might amused myself by thanking and so on,inputting some positive things into this head,but right now,it just not.well..i'll mention the headaches one by one

MORNING SCOLD

mum has to bring my sis to doctor,since the i'm in charge of representing her as the head of those all things,as what my boss said,as the brain of the company or things like that.hell yeah..what do you think one tiny brain and two pieces of hands can do?but well,boss' always rite..sucks it..so i was doing my job and suddenly called,fiuhh..i knew it won't be a good news.after a long talks,i undrstand that what she want is for us to be like her.ohwell

i remember i told ya about resigning?i'm still hesitate of it.my boss would be mad at me and i still have a believe that i'd gain sth there,but in the other side,i was thinking of till when i can/want to stay there?

CHINGU

i finally reached one of my target for this month,that's gaining friend.well,it might sound so embarassing that this kinda thing also include in monthly target?but whatever..that friend,oops,friends i mean,i got several ppl.recently i was hanging out with a  super insensitive girl,indah aka da-da..she is a super fun friend who can be crazy with!and we have the same hobby,fashion!hahha it's nice to have someone to share the same hobby..the rests are some acquaintances who previously only acquain then now become a lil bit higher..well,maybe because we shared secrets?i'm not saying that i'm a trusted person,but..since you shared,it means you trust me,so i won't leak it

AWKWARD ONE

had a dinner together with someone whom you actually not really know,and hope to much on them would be so...awkward.

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

if you don't try to break the wall,i never can stop you from going,i won't even see you when you're going-_-

so deep that i can't think,it stopped ma brain..fiuhh how ironic when someone who used to be closest to you,now are like strangers?

hey people :D
whatsup?we got a tasty creamy post to be updated today!
like usual,i was trying some recipes with uri chingu,della and irena,for addition ~psst!
wellwellwell~it is always fun to be busy on something new,isn't it?
so,let the shoots talk!hihi^^

First trial~ Homemade Chicken Katsu Curry Rice
this was the complicated one,we spent about two ours and starved ourselves before the yummy bites.
and this is the result ><

took it as bento in the morning after

okay~that's not all,tell ya a secret,actually it tastes so salty because someone fell like 2 soupspoons of salt into the kare,omooo!and i was like . . . ohmyGod!!!we all shouts so panicly and it was chaos right there (come to think of it,it was really funny!hahaha)so,we ttried everything to save the pity kare.i swear when the first time i taste it,it's perfect already.ohgodwhy~
at last,we tend to add more water,sugar,water,sugar again and again then it turns out the kare become twice much than the first time x.X
that doesn't solve much,but,the salty taste reduce,hiuhh
and we gotta make another one next time since we still got the ingredients,of course this time,won't let any salt interrupt,for sure!nyahaha

behind the scene!excuse my oily face and weird pose,lol

chef ir is showing her skill ;B

well,you may ignore us

actually i thought this won't succeed since we didn't find anything like "japanese curry roux"
moreover,i don't even know what's the meaning of roux till now,hahaha
but,see what happened B)
even though it still a lil bit salty,but it's tasty!can't wait for another trial







Second trial~Spaghetti Agli O Lio
I ate this days before when I'm at toastmasters meeting before,so i kinda know what's the shape of real agli o lio,and that means i can compare with my own agli o lio...and..okay,it's pretty much the same,but i'm lacking on some ingredients like chicken,and black pepper and also "paprika" and maybe mushrooms?but don't worry i replace those all with what are on my fridge like carrots and corns.
So,Proudly present,this is my Agli O Lio xD

della's

mine,fufu ><

goodbye for now ^^
ahyes,
i'm now hesitating about my work.
it's not working out.
i'm thinking of resigning now and move to other place i'm bored of being blamed while i'm not wrong and also seeing my mum treated that way
i wish i could make more money so mum need not to work anymore
my aunt could be very mad at me as she's already given so manyon putting hope on my shoulders,ottoke~

I love you,Mum

Mine is better than yours
What crossed your mind when you listened to this statement?Agree?Disagree?
well,this statement is asked at the tts session last night.
for me,the answer is of course,yes.why?
because it's true that i feel mine is better than anybody else'(though sometimes i also grumbled and so on).mine is better because,i feel grateful for everything i have until now
lets list up the things i grateful for:

• life
• mum <3
•  someones i can trust
• music
• pretty things
• my past,the one who give me the best lesson

errh,i haven't thought of more,i'll list it up again later ^^
btw,i wanna share a bit bout mum.lately,she's been so much much better to me than in the past.until me myself kinda not believe.lol..
i skipped college today,excuse me ;b,because i got helly stomachache and i saw it,mum's rushing a bit when she brought me home.she bought me outfits even i don't order it,she made/renew my wardrobe,she even planned to decorate my room,she didn't get mad when i hang out with my friends,while my sisters' being scolded.owow..
tell you one thing,because i worked with her everyday,now i know something.mum is the real super hero,i was replacing her several days when she absent.and guess what,i think everybody else could be stress and can't bare it if they are in my mum's position,even me.too many things to be taken care of and she must make sure evrything is alright and when she arrived home,she still,have to do things.i'm a bit worry that she'd be beaten off,moreover she often feel insom these days.thinking bout those making me more stressed.haihh
i just hope the best for her,pray and let god do the rest o:)

right,gonna continue my "son of neptune" first
oyasumi~

There i was again tonight,forcing laughter,faking smile...
Today is not the bright one,i feel lost,unaccepted.my old disease come again hiuh
I knew how it will end and it end exactly like what i know.i'm just a second choice and treated like second.you know how..i don't wanna explain it.its sucks for having this kinda feeling.and still you have to endure it no matter what because you got mo choice
Though,i want to slap them and say  i'm not a second choice,and they are the one who should be treated like that,but..you just do

I learned to give not because i have Many but because i know how it feels to have Nothing~

Well,honestly i just wanna be accepted for several ppl,being their number 1,first priority n so on..
So,case closed!

Life is a show and you are the actor..
Do what you want because you are the one who owns your life not others

I feel like so ughh nowadays.This flu is killing me.The worst phase is when you get flu and sickening.Eyes and head become so heavy :(
Can't be 100 is so stressing,you know
I need a vacation,i want something new i guess.some moodboosters,yeah

We got party last sunday.Advance gathering with seniors.it was quite fun except the burning temperature and this sucks flu..
I was called to the stage,and asked to give my opinion bout life's a show and we re the actor.i didn't qualified for the time..i really don't know what to say and ughh
Just,wish i can get well soon

Taken few pictures which some says doesn't look like me and they prefer this bang,whattaya think?^^

Friend

I don't need many friends,I just need one true friend~
You never know what's in one's mind,either they like you or they are just pretending..Human is the fakest creature.they can manipulate everything including feelings,and that's what makes me become afraid of them
Because no matter how much close we are to someone,we can't know if they are planning to kill us from inside.synical hm?but that's truth..
But that's just me,ince i believe in someone,it'd be hard to change my opinion eventhough they had broke me
How nice if we all just be sincere to each other?faking makes things worst,though sometimes faking is allowed,in some cases..
However,i didn't mean i don't believe anymore at ppl.bcs in fact,i still have that one friend,who cares to me and we feel each other..just like have a twin
A friend whom you can pour all ur feelings to and whom  defend and embrace you when you got problems :)
I seldom get a friend and i'm so thankful of it
Gracias,syl

Gnight world

Girls Day Out

Second post tonight #rare
I'm just reporting as usual to you
Today i hang out with two lovely friends and have so much fun and here's our schedule
☆ shopping till drop,we entered so many stores look around and go,goodjob!
☆eat eat,pasarame is one of the best place to eat,cheap yet so delicious
☆pasting the ketchup to chynthia's face as her bday surprise..happy bday,pretty!well,we all got pasted actually
It's so funny we were playing around,lol
One more thing,it"s all syl's plan..she shd've be aware of everyone's revenge since she's the provocator for every surprises hoho
Anyway,i didn't spend too much today.guess what,i planned a trip to Bali with syl hahaha
And we are struggling not to buy anything and save our money T_T
Bless us ♡♡♡♡

Peaceful night

Happy friday-rainy night☆
It's been so long from the last post hihi don't ya miss me?
It's not bcs i'm busy or what though,just like the last post,i don't feel like talking,writing or anything else,lack of passion?dunno..life just flows like how it should be with many ups and downs
However,everything will be okay ♡
Now things hv gotten better i guess..
I'm happy and blessed to have a life like mine,to have persons who love me and care and still can laugh and cry at the moments,so...
Thankyou God

Btw,recently my class got a new custom which is buying cakes and having a mini celebration for the members who is hving bday,today is the forth time!and it is our bunda,abuen aka rudy aka lee minho,lol
we were having so much fun
Awaww
Pictures will be up soon,stay tune^^

Have you ever created a perfect scenario but when you wanna pour it into writing you turns out blank?
Well,that's what happened to me these days..hiuhh
My mind flew somewhere far away,it isn't there.i daydream more often and i don't give much attention to anything.what is happening in me?
If there was a person who knows everything bout ourselves,it should be our own self,but look at me now#@$$
I wish i cure asap
Goodnight world

Happy happy Birthday,myself

HI!
Happy sat night everyone:b
a lit cloudy over here..since "something"just happened unexpectedly.okay,i'm not in mood share the incudent here,again!i'm tired and...oops,okay,stop
Now lets talk bout the  hot topic today ^^

30th march 2012 i had a very special one,so special that i thought i might make this year's bday becine a dooms day.but guess what!i'll tell you  one by one..

firstly,mum Arranged a party for me.A family gathering,not everyone came but it's d very nice one.can you imagine even my mum invited my friend secretly!Haha
it was Surprising enough,but...

i invited syl,she said she can't attend.and in the end she came out and made me surprise♥it's so lovely for having a crazy bestie like herr..haha

i also get cake surprise from my class.They bought the cake,sing,and took pictures ^^ i love you guys♥

and it turned to a good day
Thank You

hell with all of ya,i am not here to impress you

dear diary,

i am feeling like zombie today-,- only 5 hours sleep is killing enough,added by all house works since maid has gone home,more over a,weird dream,piuhh

still,it is a day to be grateful for!grateful for still have a day to face,without much things worth to be worried,for still having my mum yelling at us.

straight to the topic,i believe i've spilled many many complaints of "being looked down","unaccepted","cornered",outnumbered and etc.if in the previous time i can only feel upset and sad,now it's different.i don't say it's no longer annoying,but i've changed my point of view.they don't live my life,they don't know anything of me,and why should i allow them to judge me?changing the view change everything :D and i can be myself whenever i want.doesn't mean directly show them my dislike-ness though.somehow we should also manage to hold on,take a deep breath and fake a smile.but after all i'm happy that i thought of these.and thanks to devil,he is my mentor of being myself and don't care what others said,that way life's easier ^^

I DON'T BREATHE JUST TO IMPRESS YOU!:)