day of disappointment vs cny eve

today,everyone knows it's a CNY eve.and it means tomorrow we're gonna celebrate spring season,in my homehometown,chinese new year equals to the coming spring season,which is why it's called "chun jie"(spring season) in mandarin.and it's been tradition for chinese people to gather with their families to have a big feast and so on.

well,i'm not here to report and explain about that though...i'm just gonna..erhh..you know,complaining like usual.idk,last night i've just listened to Ajahn bout making peace with things,but look at me now!a failed date,a fussy mum and a jobless news,what a great start of the year?i kinda outta mind these days.i'm currently designing my future(start thinking bout it makes my head even more blur),i mean,i'm 20 now,i'm not supposed to be mum's baby anymore,am i?though all this time i don't feel like it,i'm mature enough,haha

but,thinking could be so hard until it become burden for me,i guess that's why my cute lil hair won't show themselves,cause i'm too busy in making my brain burning..well..well..

back to the CNY eve,we shd've be eating dinner happily,but see,it never happens here,in my house.all of us just busy doing our stuffs and listening to mum shouting as if we're drowning and she couldn't help except for shouting.haihh..daily life...

this doodles credit to one of Chuckle Land's member

ps :i'm wondering if there's anyone who's faithfully peep out all my posts?secret admirer?haha,that'd be great if there is,because it's like somebody looking through what i think,what i've gone though and what i wish,without me knowing of course :b

everything i've ever wished for

since this is a personal blog,shouldn't it be a lil more honest?

well,a few days ago,i met someone who previously stayed in my heart for quite a time,someone who let me know what's the  real pain means,just so that someone also the best part of my story.

after a very short moments,we were apart for like one and a half year until last few days,i finally get to meet him,unconcidencely of course.i honestly don't expect anything for this meeting,i came there just as a friend,but yeah you know,girls mostly will create more scenarios than just a common meeting,it's a meeting with ex bf that had been the sweetest dream of all and also the worst nightmare.

but not every story was a fairytale,the meeting was plain,i'm curious of how someone could be our world in a day but in another day is just strangers,every scenarios burn into joke,i laugh at myself for ever imagining anything would change.

everything i've ever wished for one and half year..for those nightmares..maybe not a come-back meeting,i wouldn't dare..it comes to my mind when i think about the reason of the nightmares keep hunting me..

is it because we never have a proper-goodbye?

anyhow,i'm happy just knowing that he's okay

morning.

the most horrific thing about getting close to someone is the thoughtb that 

at any point,they could lose complete interest in you.

I thought it'd a nice morning since the weather are so fine,raining and dark.but yet,no matter how fine the weather is,when your mind's not fine,everthing will not be.i'd like to blame myself again for being too trusty to people who came into my life,but then i remember,i've made a resolution not to put all the mistakein my shoulder.then i realize i haven't written how should i do that?blaming ownself is the easiest way instead of the opposite.well,like a girl,we always trust too much and in the end we're the one who get hurt too much.i should've stop myself..what a morning

Dear diary,I miss ya so much!

dear diary~~
huwaaa....just writing those 2 words makes me feel so excited..
how long have i been lost?months?> <
booo..so many things happened that i couldn't catch my own daily journal..
well,losing my note would be another reason for my absence.
dear diary,i was robbed like 1 month ago,20th july exactly.i don't remember the exact incident since i knocked my head and everything.was brought to hospital by a very kind "ai" and fortunately,like you see,i still can breathe and share this to you~grateful for that~
i really feels kamma exists..it is there,proven..
and i'm really really thankful,seems like my stock of good kamma really safe me from this incident.
though this thing also bring me headaches,a real one..puhh
but like yin and yang,bad thing also has good good side,isn't it?
many many people came to see me and care to me
emm..
well,that's all..haha!
hmmhmm..

lets see what we got during the absence...

-i am tired being the one who always find first-

what do you feel when you reply in two-minute-period and being replied after like hours?ugh..everything was just nice in the beginning and sucks in the middle.i am so enough with the persons who only find you when they need.however i don't really know how to kill my thoughts like,'oh,they are busy,they'll reply me.'and those butterflies when they replied,they pay attentions,fake,and pull me into deeper waiting.well,that is just me..i think it's been like habit.

oh,just in case you don't realize,the title of this bloggie has changed :bb

i think it sounds right when this blog has been my chronicle to pour my feelings to words,hehehe