buzy bee

i think the title has describe quite enough,i'm sooo busy these days,and eventhough now i've unoccupied,still there're many things for me to do
well,let's list it up!

• got office management project,2 project in a row which are canteen service and stand selling.don't have any idea?canteen service project is where we should give our best service including being the waiter,cashier and even dish washer!hahh....we're working too hard for free,like really.another one is stand selling,well you can see from the name,we must open a stand near the campus and making ourselves busy offering our products to people in order to reach target and it's really really really tiring.my stand sells longan ice and we must prepare each of the materials.and cause i become the secretary and idk,maybe the kepo from me,i come to like manage so many things like setting the table,register our stand for a free bazaar.selling bazaar voucher and whenever it got prblem,i'm the who'll fix it for good.i'm not saying as i'm proud of it...it's just i can't stand when something is not well-set.i think i might prefer apply to be a secretary T-T anyway,our sales is quite good,i hope it will keep increasing day by day
• meanwhile,last wednesday was toastmaster contest,club level,and because of my kepo again,i unconciously registered for two contest,int'l speech and table topic contest,so in the d-day,i must present twice,actually i've asked for resignment of table topic but they say can't.and in the end,idk how idk why,i won both of the contest.wait,don't think i'm showing off,i'm here to complain,because if you win the club level,you must continue to the area level and so on.Oh god,how can i...what should i say....
• i was called to an interview in a bank,it's a good thing remembering now i'm officially jobless,it goes pretty well,tomorrow i'll have the test.and i totally have no idea of the test,sooo just wish me luck,i need job,i'm left penniless-_-

good things keep coming and i'm grateful of it.i need to get my soldier ready,this refers to my health though.i've headache for 3 or 4 days alr,and hard to digest,i hope nothing big happens to me,cause i don't wanna see the doctor,it's a waste of money.hemmm..

wonder why i still have time to type this meanwhile my title is busy?it's because eventhough today is sunday i can't enjoy it by sleep longer,i think i've the disease of whenever something is still disturbing my mind,i can never enjoy myself.the theory of make peace is much easier than the practice.well,that something which disturb me is,there's someone who told me the exact things that i close my  eyes and my ears all this time.i strikes me straight to my mind.i know what she said is true,and it cause another war in this heart and mind,which should i choose?ottoke...

a peace mind

honestly,i'm not sure what i wanna say this time,cause lately i've just passed a very hard time regarding my relationship.things are just so funny when both people are loving each other,but however they make it,there's no way they can understand about each other.understand what our couple wants and needs,isn't it the most basic ingredients of love?when the two can't tolerate each other anymore,it shouldn't be forced,should it?

but well,that's why poeple said love is blind,don't care how much differences or fights,as long as there's still a feeling,they could carry on.i sorta believe of that.

my minds are tired,everything on me is just so heavy.until the point of i wanna shout out and just sleep for the whole time.

but then,it doesn't give me any sollutions,so i decided to make peace of it.make peace of whatever is surrounding me,make peace of what bothers me,make peace of myself.it's so very very hard tough jobs for me to make peace.you know me,i'm like have tons of thoughts in my mind,it's like giant trash can.but someone said i should be a trash can without the down side,so it's blank.i hope i can be.i'll learn to...

day of disappointment vs cny eve

today,everyone knows it's a CNY eve.and it means tomorrow we're gonna celebrate spring season,in my homehometown,chinese new year equals to the coming spring season,which is why it's called "chun jie"(spring season) in mandarin.and it's been tradition for chinese people to gather with their families to have a big feast and so on.

well,i'm not here to report and explain about that though...i'm just gonna..erhh..you know,complaining like usual.idk,last night i've just listened to Ajahn bout making peace with things,but look at me now!a failed date,a fussy mum and a jobless news,what a great start of the year?i kinda outta mind these days.i'm currently designing my future(start thinking bout it makes my head even more blur),i mean,i'm 20 now,i'm not supposed to be mum's baby anymore,am i?though all this time i don't feel like it,i'm mature enough,haha

but,thinking could be so hard until it become burden for me,i guess that's why my cute lil hair won't show themselves,cause i'm too busy in making my brain burning..well..well..

back to the CNY eve,we shd've be eating dinner happily,but see,it never happens here,in my house.all of us just busy doing our stuffs and listening to mum shouting as if we're drowning and she couldn't help except for shouting.haihh..daily life...

this doodles credit to one of Chuckle Land's member

ps :i'm wondering if there's anyone who's faithfully peep out all my posts?secret admirer?haha,that'd be great if there is,because it's like somebody looking through what i think,what i've gone though and what i wish,without me knowing of course :b

everything i've ever wished for

since this is a personal blog,shouldn't it be a lil more honest?

well,a few days ago,i met someone who previously stayed in my heart for quite a time,someone who let me know what's the  real pain means,just so that someone also the best part of my story.

after a very short moments,we were apart for like one and a half year until last few days,i finally get to meet him,unconcidencely of course.i honestly don't expect anything for this meeting,i came there just as a friend,but yeah you know,girls mostly will create more scenarios than just a common meeting,it's a meeting with ex bf that had been the sweetest dream of all and also the worst nightmare.

but not every story was a fairytale,the meeting was plain,i'm curious of how someone could be our world in a day but in another day is just strangers,every scenarios burn into joke,i laugh at myself for ever imagining anything would change.

everything i've ever wished for one and half year..for those nightmares..maybe not a come-back meeting,i wouldn't dare..it comes to my mind when i think about the reason of the nightmares keep hunting me..

is it because we never have a proper-goodbye?

anyhow,i'm happy just knowing that he's okay

screwed.bored.dead

canceled plans?i hate it.ugh!how does it feel when you have everything in your plan lists but all of sudden it all just burned.you're stuck and got not any single thing to do for a day?it sucks.it's just exactly i am doing right now.it is why i'm posting this all.

well,i don't wanna be a total complainer in the first place.but you know me,i just can't stay quite for the things canceled when it's all already in my mind.for the record,there's quite a disturbing stuff to deal is the upcoming plans,sigh..it's about the old n new bbq with advancers.i thought it's gotta be fun,we're gonna recall study tour memories like..everybody's having quality times together.but again,it screwed.i was trying to be helpful to think of everything,like what will be the menus and so on.of course i don't wanna be a dumb for preparing all stuffs when everybody's not giving a respond,i asked them about things i had in my mind,they said okay.but the moment after,it seems like...well...they're complaining everything i plan for them.i mean,heyy...i gotta work in these 2 days,hell i'm gonna make time to prepare all the stuffs for the sake of them?i'm just trying to be nice,but it seems the opposite to them.not like its only this,it feels like anything i do was wrong...

i don't even know if i'm doing a good thing..well,i                                                                                          just wish the plans were not totally blew off,who                                                                                            knows?

ps sorry for the lack quality camera,guess i'll have to bare with it for a lil while just for my bigger target.wish me luck,xoxo

tough tough week

hey you!why you just can't let me rest and be peace?
         Arrrgghh!asdfdhfjfkl!@#$%^
ohmy,praise the lord i got something name wifi here-_-
         it's been like months our internet connection has been cut by the irresponsible workers!*curse them!
well,anyone must be preparedwith their ears open up bcs i'll start grumbling
         start from the project we're dealing with this minute,the ob project
we should shoot a roleplay and present it in front of the class!!god!i'm not an actress,if i happened to be in a         roleplay,idk what role am i taking.actually i'm pissed bcs lately my face got too oily to be true,hell!i wish i can passed the d-day soon and no one gotta remember any sip of the video,amen!
       another d-day was yesterday,which supposed to be a nice day bcs i was going to toastmaster's contest which is really rare,ruined by 'happy' family photoshoots,plus!now i haven't got any job so i am officially so          bored staying at home everyday with much much of helly things to be done like assignments,assignments and tests.to add more of my suffer,my lil bro are so nagging these weeks,he just can't stop crying and yelling        whenever there is the word 'school'.i wonder how could all this be worse ;s
over all,it's a tough week for me,i wish it get better soon :((
       sidechat,wonder how outfit could actually boost your mood?like today,i wore a denim jacket which i have dream for months,that's the reason i like fashion and it actually helps,a lil bit,so gracias..^^
     

ps ; these was taken in class when ms yeni's computer session,it's just so urgh!bored ;p

Happy Munch-ing Day!

Holla ppl!
time passes by and there's too much to catch up these days..but because today is a holy-day,sooo trying to cover as much as i can in this lovely diary..
well,talking bout the title,today i hanged out with my sister,hanny and have lotta fun!which we barely can do in the dailies since we both are busy,hihi..
so let the picture talks as usual..

Sorry for the bad quality of pictures :( really wish my note back!after all,we only took at opal coffee since we have super big lunch there,now i know how is it like 'eat till you drop'.for me,eating is also another joy in life so i always feel happy whenever i gotta eat something superb!xoxo

Another Chapter

i met several ppl from my past today,they're : chris,juni and shierly.they are chingus from high school and you know what,when you met ppl from your past,there you understand clearly of what has already passed and can't turn back.i talked to them and it's like talking to strangers,remembering how we used to shared jokes and laughed together,even only the matter of months,it's all flew away and we turns out strangers.it makes me think what will happened between me and my present ppl?will we someday also turns to strangers?with memories?i know one thing,people don't last forever,memories does...from now on,i wanna respect more ppl and do goods as much as i can so that they can last longer#hopeso

ps : talking bout memories,passing by some of my bittersweet memories does make pinches to my heart.as i passed by 'lolita' novels shelves at gramedia,i thought of you and us^^ well,unfortunately maybe now i've lived somewhere in your farthest part of memory,but still thanks for giving me such memories to be remember and smile everytime i think of it..

today's just too much!

today's just too much!so many things happen just in one day and in the end of the day,it's really breaking me down,i thought i need mood booster,but just remember that not all things are only the matter of mood.it's more complicated than that,i swear.in another day i might amused myself by thanking and so on,inputting some positive things into this head,but right now,it just not.well..i'll mention the headaches one by one

MORNING SCOLD

mum has to bring my sis to doctor,since the i'm in charge of representing her as the head of those all things,as what my boss said,as the brain of the company or things like that.hell yeah..what do you think one tiny brain and two pieces of hands can do?but well,boss' always rite..sucks it..so i was doing my job and suddenly called,fiuhh..i knew it won't be a good news.after a long talks,i undrstand that what she want is for us to be like her.ohwell

i remember i told ya about resigning?i'm still hesitate of it.my boss would be mad at me and i still have a believe that i'd gain sth there,but in the other side,i was thinking of till when i can/want to stay there?

CHINGU

i finally reached one of my target for this month,that's gaining friend.well,it might sound so embarassing that this kinda thing also include in monthly target?but whatever..that friend,oops,friends i mean,i got several ppl.recently i was hanging out with a  super insensitive girl,indah aka da-da..she is a super fun friend who can be crazy with!and we have the same hobby,fashion!hahha it's nice to have someone to share the same hobby..the rests are some acquaintances who previously only acquain then now become a lil bit higher..well,maybe because we shared secrets?i'm not saying that i'm a trusted person,but..since you shared,it means you trust me,so i won't leak it

AWKWARD ONE

had a dinner together with someone whom you actually not really know,and hope to much on them would be so...awkward.

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

if you don't try to break the wall,i never can stop you from going,i won't even see you when you're going-_-

so deep that i can't think,it stopped ma brain..fiuhh how ironic when someone who used to be closest to you,now are like strangers?

Dear diary,I miss ya so much!

dear diary~~
huwaaa....just writing those 2 words makes me feel so excited..
how long have i been lost?months?> <
booo..so many things happened that i couldn't catch my own daily journal..
well,losing my note would be another reason for my absence.
dear diary,i was robbed like 1 month ago,20th july exactly.i don't remember the exact incident since i knocked my head and everything.was brought to hospital by a very kind "ai" and fortunately,like you see,i still can breathe and share this to you~grateful for that~
i really feels kamma exists..it is there,proven..
and i'm really really thankful,seems like my stock of good kamma really safe me from this incident.
though this thing also bring me headaches,a real one..puhh
but like yin and yang,bad thing also has good good side,isn't it?
many many people came to see me and care to me
emm..
well,that's all..haha!
hmmhmm..

lets see what we got during the absence...

Another blessed day

People Change,Thing goes wrong,Shit happens,but Life goes on..

Yesterday
Everything was damned.start from the overload works,the annoying workmates,unprepared speech which end up with a dq and the worst,a picture of my foolishness..
I mean,i cried for more than a year,suffering for ppl who doesn't even care whether if i'm still living..yes,congratulations to you..longlast with her,the real longlast.10years and get married,kay?
Well,u might think i'm in the middle of super galau state
But,when i knew it,it's like a blank for a while,blackout for few moments then back to blank
I don't cry but i laugh of how foolish i hv been
Get well soon,myself ;)

The reason of the title is..

Today
I skipped my work because of the stresses and decided to give myself a break,it's not a get away.just finding a peace.
I sleep for quite long and it clear my mind enough..well,it's becoming lighter and lighter when i choose to be quite.
Well,after took a bath,i'm ready to speak to uncle neighbor,and my proposal was accepted!he agree to buy all my books
Omooo it's like a boom and i'm so happy
Like finally...
Then i eat,a lot,and have some icecreams
When my mind is clear,i can think more
Actually,i'm now thinking of applying as companion in 1 super big occasion,it'll be held in Bali
It could such a good experience for me
The matter is,i'm doubt of my english._.
And 1 of the requirements is i hv to be active._.
Well,my friend said it's worth trying..so i guess i shd go ^^wish me luck,dear