day of disappointment vs cny eve

today,everyone knows it's a CNY eve.and it means tomorrow we're gonna celebrate spring season,in my homehometown,chinese new year equals to the coming spring season,which is why it's called "chun jie"(spring season) in mandarin.and it's been tradition for chinese people to gather with their families to have a big feast and so on.

well,i'm not here to report and explain about that though...i'm just gonna..erhh..you know,complaining like usual.idk,last night i've just listened to Ajahn bout making peace with things,but look at me now!a failed date,a fussy mum and a jobless news,what a great start of the year?i kinda outta mind these days.i'm currently designing my future(start thinking bout it makes my head even more blur),i mean,i'm 20 now,i'm not supposed to be mum's baby anymore,am i?though all this time i don't feel like it,i'm mature enough,haha

but,thinking could be so hard until it become burden for me,i guess that's why my cute lil hair won't show themselves,cause i'm too busy in making my brain burning..well..well..

back to the CNY eve,we shd've be eating dinner happily,but see,it never happens here,in my house.all of us just busy doing our stuffs and listening to mum shouting as if we're drowning and she couldn't help except for shouting.haihh..daily life...

this doodles credit to one of Chuckle Land's member

ps :i'm wondering if there's anyone who's faithfully peep out all my posts?secret admirer?haha,that'd be great if there is,because it's like somebody looking through what i think,what i've gone though and what i wish,without me knowing of course :b

-i am tired being the one who always find first-

what do you feel when you reply in two-minute-period and being replied after like hours?ugh..everything was just nice in the beginning and sucks in the middle.i am so enough with the persons who only find you when they need.however i don't really know how to kill my thoughts like,'oh,they are busy,they'll reply me.'and those butterflies when they replied,they pay attentions,fake,and pull me into deeper waiting.well,that is just me..i think it's been like habit.

oh,just in case you don't realize,the title of this bloggie has changed :bb

i think it sounds right when this blog has been my chronicle to pour my feelings to words,hehehe

INSOMNIA .__.

it's 2 am now and i haven't sleep.it's a wow!hahaha
i can't sleep,what else?aaarhh
awoke at 12 and until now my eyes is still so cling",aigooo -__-"
indeed it's a problem for me since tomorrow i must get up at 5.30 or less to catch the boss VIP bus :b
more over i should represent my mum since she will go to Bali (safe flight mum and dad,love ya!)and again i have classes till 9 in the evening!double aaarrhh!
hikhikk
what should i do?
eyes..eyes,don't you feel tired?i'd get big problem tomorrow,today i mean
pleaseee
aah,think i should find the medicine of insomnia right now,since i've been experienced what called insom these days,fiuhh
do i get older?they said you would feel difficult to sleep when you get older
omooo,ahjumonii :(
is it because of over thinking?i don't think so either

And if you asked me if I love him,
I’d lie...

hi!don't ask how's life these days.i can't even told ya how terrible is it.i think this story was just exist in drama but the truth,i wish this could be really JUST drama.but it doesn't.fiuh..it is really hard having this kind of mix feelings.why don't one person just simply love someone and simply loved back?why there has to be a complicated drama inside?how good if each person just love each other.there would be so much easier than having all those mixed T_T

the thing is,I must face the truth.I should be mature to not keep hurting someone with no purpose,since i know exactly how it feels.haahh...

have you ever think of someone just like they really exist in your world but in fact they don't?have you ever feel like you know how exactly they feels,how they hurt just by dreaming?i know it's not logical,somehow ridiculous,but i'm so depressed bcs i do feel that way.dreamt and he told me how he's in pain.aar..going crazy sinca >< i just wish for the best,please..

night

cockroach approach

Hi..night blogers ^^
Something BIG happened
yesterday after the tuition,we(me and ir) were having chit chat at my lovie room.
suddenly she screams out!aaa...!@#$$%^&%
i saw a super nasty giant cockroach with  long antena over its head then an o-my-god-chaos!
i mean we're screaming,climb up the bed(pity my lil bed),ran out of the room and so on
it was finally safely kick out from my room,but you know,it's still hanging in front of the door!
2nd chaos :|
ir was too shock to just get out,the same as me._.
can't imagine it fly over my room or was doing something when i sleep!!it must be something wrong with my room!i must clean the mess up tomorrow,means no more rest tomorrow,uurhh..
yesterdat was a memorable day,when cockroach approach
Plok Plok Plokkk


hahaha
got a bit of drama on today's post
idk why i made it this way :b
nothing to type,nice dream <3

jealousy

sometimes i just wish when i get up in the morning,i'll change to a pretty princess.

you know?life suck!

may be everyone can pretend 'i am fine with myself',but i can't.

sometimes,i just wish that i am preety,at least more than the people i jeolous.

but what?just get myself stuck on this creepy face,fleks,and this pathetic hair!

hmm..wish for a miracle that someday it will happen.

seriously,this hit myself bad enough having a jealousy to those people.

nothing more to say,bye.

heiiheiiheii

heyya there.how's life going?pretty sad here.know why?me and my mum just had a little discussion about "relationship" .don't ask me how it goes.bad,very bad.my mum doesn't allow me to have realtionship with him.she said about how creepy is that to have a relationship at my age and something like that.hmm.she born me when she was about20 and now she caged me like this.so hypocrite.hate it!i just wonder what could we do if we only meet once a year,huh?damn!

i really hope my mum can understand.

20 march 2011

heyhoo...here are some photographs taken yesterday,on vero's bday party^^ and sure we got a lot of fun there

start from left : beat, me, salvi, el, dj, yau

i always think i have a weird smile xoxo

 we take it everywhere..hahaha

can u guess who they are? :p

i think i've lost 1 of those T^T

but,nevermind,,i'll send it from the others

that's all

really had a big fun with them ><

hope our friendship never end 

see ya,xoxo

i'm mad..i need to write now

i don't know..i don't know!i'm really uncontrolable right now.u know,i've just read his messages secretly to his friend.u know what he asked?'hey,bro.what's wrong with ms.f (THE GIRL I LOVE THE MOST)huh?tell me,if u not tell me i'm gonna kill u'yaah..somekind like that.u know boy?i wanna shout this to you "I HATE YOU BOY,IF U NEVER LOVE ME,THEN NEVER EVER LET mE FALL FOR YOU!YOU ABSOLUTELY NOT WORTH FOR IT!!"aaaaaaaaaaaaa
what am i?i'm broken heart and damn need a place to shout and to forget him immediately,i don't wanna be too fantastic too 'alay' with talking these to my friends.then,you know,they didn't give me solution.
boy,sorry for removed your facebook,sorry for unfollowed you.and thanks god for 'unable to message him' now.
hmm..really..to be honest,i still l*** him,and still h*** that his attitudes really show he love me,or at least loved me.now,i don't believe anymore that u ever love me,how bad is that?haha(i know you even don't care what i feel.what you care is :what the hell is your sweetheart doing?how is she doing without you.you will worry about is ishe gazing at the sky now?o,yeah,omygod,she's my real juliet,isn't it?)
and,for you b**ch,congratz,u win of me..enjoy your day with him,okay?i'm gonna die calmly without disturbing your dreams with him,good right?i even can imagine u've been dream it for a long time.
goodbye,love,saranghee.........

i have another something bother me .here,i always saw wherever,,a mum,,give a big attention to his daughter.they give the best for them.at least,that is what happened to my friends and ppl around me.but what?my mum never give it to me.i'm just worry about something,and i told her to bring me to doctor or expert.hmm,she doesn't care at all.what can i do?who can help me?sometime i think growing up and fall in love isn't a good idea.

sometimes i think i must have a place just for share,u know?just chat and say whatever you thinking now without worrying other's opinion,but in fact,u can't talk it to anyone,so..i choose writing.
anyway,this is just nonsense.u can skip it if you want