day of disappointment vs cny eve

today,everyone knows it's a CNY eve.and it means tomorrow we're gonna celebrate spring season,in my homehometown,chinese new year equals to the coming spring season,which is why it's called "chun jie"(spring season) in mandarin.and it's been tradition for chinese people to gather with their families to have a big feast and so on.

well,i'm not here to report and explain about that though...i'm just gonna..erhh..you know,complaining like usual.idk,last night i've just listened to Ajahn bout making peace with things,but look at me now!a failed date,a fussy mum and a jobless news,what a great start of the year?i kinda outta mind these days.i'm currently designing my future(start thinking bout it makes my head even more blur),i mean,i'm 20 now,i'm not supposed to be mum's baby anymore,am i?though all this time i don't feel like it,i'm mature enough,haha

but,thinking could be so hard until it become burden for me,i guess that's why my cute lil hair won't show themselves,cause i'm too busy in making my brain burning..well..well..

back to the CNY eve,we shd've be eating dinner happily,but see,it never happens here,in my house.all of us just busy doing our stuffs and listening to mum shouting as if we're drowning and she couldn't help except for shouting.haihh..daily life...

this doodles credit to one of Chuckle Land's member

ps :i'm wondering if there's anyone who's faithfully peep out all my posts?secret admirer?haha,that'd be great if there is,because it's like somebody looking through what i think,what i've gone though and what i wish,without me knowing of course :b

everything i've ever wished for

since this is a personal blog,shouldn't it be a lil more honest?

well,a few days ago,i met someone who previously stayed in my heart for quite a time,someone who let me know what's the  real pain means,just so that someone also the best part of my story.

after a very short moments,we were apart for like one and a half year until last few days,i finally get to meet him,unconcidencely of course.i honestly don't expect anything for this meeting,i came there just as a friend,but yeah you know,girls mostly will create more scenarios than just a common meeting,it's a meeting with ex bf that had been the sweetest dream of all and also the worst nightmare.

but not every story was a fairytale,the meeting was plain,i'm curious of how someone could be our world in a day but in another day is just strangers,every scenarios burn into joke,i laugh at myself for ever imagining anything would change.

everything i've ever wished for one and half year..for those nightmares..maybe not a come-back meeting,i wouldn't dare..it comes to my mind when i think about the reason of the nightmares keep hunting me..

is it because we never have a proper-goodbye?

anyhow,i'm happy just knowing that he's okay

the windflower

that times,when we are young
many says when you're young,you're free
now i question what kind of freedom does youth offer?
choosing your path?travel your imagination?not both
youth does give freedom to choose
but with all the tails of consequences we also have to bare
they said,because we are young
they said,you can find
they said,you can choose
thus it doesn't erase the fact that's called 'responsible'
they said,because we are young
yes,my dear,we are too young
like windflower we can only follow where wind wants us to...